Ok, ok it didn’t happen in real life,  this is my attempt at fiction writing, let me know  what you think and if you would like to read more. I just started this tonight.

‘What do you mean I can’t have a refund? Get me your manager!’

Thank God. ‘I’ll get my supervisor for you, just a moment’

It’s only my third day at ‘The Barn’ and none of the other department store victims have shown me how to do a refund yet so I wouldn’t know how to give the short angry blonde woman in front of me a  refund even if she was entitled to it, which she isn’t, at ‘The Barn’ earrings are non-returnable. End of.

Now I have to call Callum, my scary supervisor. Well he’s not that scary; it’s just that after three days  he is getting tired of my constant questions so I’ve been trying to avoid him. At least I’m not technically the problem this time. I feel sorry for him, Mrs.Short, Blonde and Angry is going to give him an earful. I can hear her huffing and puffing behind me while I walk to the phone.

 ‘Supervisor needed at level one cash point’

Callum arrives from wherever he was lurking and Mrs.Short, Blonde and Angry is his problem now. If there was another till free I’d have to go on that as there is a growing queue but the three tills beside mine are occupied so I have a few minutes to myself and nothing to do but stand beside Callum and watch the queue grow.  As I’m watching, a tall blonde man strides up and starts pushing his way to the front.  Someone is not a happy chappy. At least Callum is already here, this guy is definitely going to be a complainer.  He’s barged his way to the front now and I can see him properly, he looks really familiar.

Oh God.

‘I need a jacket, right now, where are they?’

Callum doesn’t have a minute to spare for anymore rude customers, Mrs.Short, Blonde and Angry is going on about consumer rights and slams the earrings on the counter to emphasise whatever point she is making.  I quickly look to the three tills on my left and Sean, Lauren and Samantha are all busy. As I’m looking at her , Samantha looks up at the megastar in front of us and I see recognition dawn on her face, that is what spurs me into action.  I step out from behind the till.

‘Menswear is on the bottom floor, this way.’

I turn and walk towards the escalators not daring to look behind me and see if Mr. Hollywood Royalty himself  is following me.  I can hear the people in the queue muttering about the rude man who pushed his way to the front, but by some miracle they haven’t recognised him yet. Maybe it isn’t him after all. I reach the escalator and peek behind me and heart jumps into my throat again. Nope, no mistake. That is the one and only Adrian Axel. Right behind me.

Where are the jackets again? The corner, yeah they’re in the left hand corner of the menswear floor, next to the changing rooms.  I stride confidently towards the changing rooms with Mr. Megastar behind me but my mind is at warp-speed. What do I do when I get to the jackets? Do I just leave him there? Do I ask what style he is looking for? What the hell is Adrian Axel doing at ‘The Barn’ anyway? Do I act like I don’t recognise him? Do I ask for his autograph? Out of time, we’ve reached the jackets.

I turn with a smile on my face, still not sure what I’m going to say but Mr. Axel takes the lead.

‘I just want a jacket, not twenty questions.’ He says with his hand up to me, presumably to fend off the twenty questions I was about to ask him. It takes me a moment to decide whether I’m angry at his rudeness or disappointed that he isn’t the way he seems in the movies. I settle on angry.

‘Well I hope you don’t have any questions about the jackets’ I hiss and stalk away. I’m cringing. Questions about the jackets? I could have said something better than that surely. How many questions can you even ask about jackets?

‘Wait! Sorry! I can’t pay for this’

I turn around and he is holding up a blue suit jacket with a £70 price tag on it. What Hollywood megastar can’t afford a £70 jacket?

‘I mean, I can’t queue up and pay for it’

Oh this just gets better and better, well too bad famous boy, your queuing. I don’t bother telling him that though, I just turn back around and start walking away again. A few seconds later there is hand tugging on my arm and I’m looking up into one of the most gorgeous faces in the world. In fact, I’m pretty sure his face is the most gorgeous face in the world, y’know according to one of those gossipy magazine lists.

 ‘Listen, (pause while he looks at my name tag) Mel, just give me a minute to explain. I’m filming in Edinburgh but I’m staying at a hotel here in Glasgow to keep the paparazzi off the scent. But my car broke down just outside the city and I had to take the subway. When I got off at St.Enoch there were papparazi waiting for me. I’ve lost them for the moment but they’ll catch up and I want a different jacket so that I can try to get to my hotel without being seen. It’s so irritating when they know which hotel you’re staying in. I don’t want to queue up to pay for my jacket because it will cause a commotion and they will know where I am, plus I’d rather leave via the back door if you have one.  So, can you please help me Mel?’

Oh no. I’m going to start laughing, more than that I’m going to burst. I look up into his gorgeous earnest face and I just can’t help it, I erupt into fits of laughter.

He’s still holding my arm when I calm down, still searching my face to see if I’m going to help him, it makes me feel bad for laughing so much. I pull myself together.

‘Sorry, it’s just that I can’t imagine you, Adrian Axel on the subway in Glasgow, and you’re in total secret agent mode like in one of your films, but your only trying to escape the paparazzi, not an assassin or something, and to make your big clever escape you’ve picked a suit jacket just like the one you’re wearing just now, only in blue instead of black. That won’t make one bit of difference.’

Oops, I’ve annoyed him now, clearly Adrian Axel does not like being laughed at, he drops my arm and strides back over to the jackets, shoving the suit jacket back on its rail. Then he’s looking at me again.

‘Ok Mel, what would you suggest?’


I scan the lines of jackets and then spot the perfect one. A white bomber jacket.  It will make him look like the Michelin man, not like Adrian Axel. I tell him that as I give it to him and tell him to wait in the changing the rooms while I get the rest of his outfit sorted. Who would have thought I would be dressing Adrian Axel on my third day at ‘The Barn’?  Not only am I dressing Adrian Axel, but I’m dressing him like a Ned. Well it is Glasgow and he wants to blend in to the crowd. I come back to the changing rooms with a pair of trainers, a pair of tracksuit bottoms and burberry cap. No one will ever believe me when I tell them this.

By some miracle this floor has remained empty the whole time we’ve been down here.  ‘The Barn’ closes at 5pm and it’s 4.50pm just now so maybe that has something to do with it. When Adrian Axel the Ned emerges from the changing rooms, I lead him over to the menswear pay point and give him a plastic bag to put his suit and shoes in. Then he pays £170 cash for his new ensemble.

‘I’ve just started here and to be honest I don’t know if there is a back door, I suppose there must be but I don’t know where it is. No one will recognise you now anyway, not if you keep the cap on, so you can just walk right out the front door.’  I say while leading him back to the escalators, he just nods, adjusting his burberry cap.

We travel up to the womenswear floor in silence. The queue is even bigger and Callum is glowering at me from the minute I step off the escalator. One look at his face tells me that I’m in BIG trouble.

I turn back to Mr Hollywood Ned and point him in the direction of the exit.

‘I have to go; my boss is going to kill me, Good Luck.’ I say, already scurrying towards a very angry Callum.

‘Ok, I’ll see you later Mel’  he says before striding towards the exit.

I manage to get all the way to Callum before realising that I didn’t tell Adrian Axel my real name.

‘Where the hell have you been Wren! Look at the queue!’ Callum glowers at me, stepping aside to let me log back on to my till.

I look at the queue and realise that there is no way that I will be finished by five.

So if you would like some more let me know in the comments section and I will make this a regular feature. Thanks for checking out my blog 🙂